What are Australian men talking about in therapy?

“When Blokes Psychology started, the majority of our clients were coming in when they’d hit a crisis point, whereas now we’re getting more men of all ages coming in before that,” Nelms says. “They’re saying, ‘Things are actually not bad, I just want to be a better father. I want to learn how to express my emotions, or identify more, or just live a more fulfilling, meaningful life’.”

What are they talking about most?

The topics covered in therapy or counselling run the gamut. However, six topics tend to reoccur among men.

1. Loneliness

A survey conducted by men’s health organisation Healthy Male in 2023 found that 43 per cent of Australian men were lonely, with those aged between 35 and 49 experiencing the highest rates.

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Dober says therapy encourages men to explore underlying issues, such as societal expectations around masculinity, which can hinder their ability to connect with others on a deeper emotional level. “Addressing these challenges can help men develop healthier interpersonal skills and foster meaningful relationships, leading to improved overall wellbeing.”

2. Identity and masculinity

Nelms says there are many men of all ages who are unsure of what being a man means for them, and what being masculine entails.

“Generations ago, it was much more binary: you’re the provider, this is what men do, this is what men don’t do. That has broadened, which in many ways is great, but in other ways, some men feel as though there’s no place to be a masculine man these days.”

This ambiguity, combined with various everyday challenges, can lead to a form of existential crisis for some men, Nelms says, which can manifest into things like addiction, anger, and anxiety.

3. Depression, anxiety, anger and addiction

Nelms refers to these as the “big four” due to their prevalence among both male and female clients.

According to the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia Survey in 2021, about 14 per cent of Australian males aged 15 and up experienced anxiety or depression – a 5 per cent increase since 2013. These kinds of conditions can be exacerbated by societal pressures to conform to traditional norms of masculinity, Nelms says.

4. Parenting

As family structures change, Fishman says it has become common for men to explore what kind of father they are, as well as how they can simultaneously support and connect with their children.

“This includes improving communication with children and balancing family needs with self-care,” Fishman explains. “Many fathers aim to better understand and fulfil their role within the family.”

5. Intimacy issues or concerns

Intimacy issues among men, such as performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction and sex addiction, have long been considered “shameful”. “Societal expectations and personal insecurities can compound these issues, making open communication and vulnerability difficult,” Dober says.

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However, she notes more men are opening up about their concerns around emotional intimacy and sex, thereby helping them develop healthier attitudes and strengthen their relationships.

6. Separation and divorce

Fishman says men are increasingly turning to therapy to help navigate life after a breakup, examining feelings of grief, failure and loss of identity, as well as more logistical challenges like co-parenting and financial stress. However, they’re also seeking professional advice on how to improve as a partner, or how to enhance a relationship.

What more could be done?

Though the stigma around men’s mental health struggles is being dismantled, Australian Psychological Society president Dr Catriona Davis-McCabe says this has not translated into a significant increase in men using psychology services.

More spaces must be designed specifically for men to express themselves without shame, Davis-McCabe says.

Australians can access mental health treatment plans, which provide up to 10 individual sessions with mental health professionals each year. “A big part of the solution is reducing gap fees and wait times and reinstating 20 sessions for those who need it,” Davis-McCabe says.

“When most people need 16 to 20 sessions for treatment, many men rightly ask themselves, ‘Even if I can afford it, what’s the point of seeing a psychologist if I can only get 10 sessions per year?’”

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